Bianca, how many times would I tell you to f*cking stop that crying?? You’ve been doing the same thing for about 5 hours now, and you won’t really stop.

For heaven’s sake, today was the most unbearable day of my life. I used to hate Bella Swan, but I suddenly realized that I’m just like her. Masochistic. Fool.Stupid. Stubborn. Selfish. Weak. I suddenly felt like, “Oh here it is, Bella. The feeling that you felt when your Edward had left you.” I feel like stabbing my chest, slashing my wrist, shoot myself, overdose myself.. I feel like tormenting myself to death. It was horrible. Really horrible.

For those who had been asking, here’s the story. I hope you don’t mind the emotions, I mean.. whatever. I am not even making sense at all.

Today. Yes, 6th Of June 9:53am on my clock, we bid each other our final goodbyes. It hurts. It really does, since it was not a formal face-to-face closure. But I think I’d prefer it that way, since I’d rather have him not seeing me breaking down upon reading everything that he had been saying to me.

During the “break-up chat”, I was half-expecting that it won’t happen. That he will fight for us, that he will remain strong. But then, he started to say things like,“Madaming nagmamahal sa’yo. Kaya mawala man ako, OK LANG. Kasi nanjan naman sila..” and “Madami ka pang makikilalang tao sa mundo..” and lastly, the “Hindi eh para kase wala nang mangyayari satin at konti nalang feelings ko sayo.”

Then suddenly, I was this miserable Bianca that you all have known way back last 10th of January 2009. I was almost smashing my keyboard in order to type really fast, since I’m scared that he might go offline sooner. “Madami pa sila, oo. Iba ka. Iba ka pa rin sa kanilang lahat.” I felt dumb. He already gave up. But we both know that if we don’t have to do this, we won’t really surrender. But I gave in. “Kung yan ang gusto mo. Sige.”

I stared at the monitor for a moment. My heart was beating fast, waiting for the final blow.

“Before I go, can I ask you a favor?”

Goddamn it. He was being Edward. And I hated it.

“What is it?”

“Tuparin mo yung promise mo, wag ka nang iiyak. Pwede? Kasi, ako hindi ko nagawa yung promise. :(“

I know deep down inside that I couldn’t just stop crying, because I already was. In that case, I broke down even more, crying, yelling in front of my monitor, just like a stupid bratinella. I didn’t respond to is message.

”..kahit ilang beses mo nang binali yun, tuparin mo.”

“Uhm, I’ll try.”, I typed.

I know he was ready to say goodbye. And I wasn’t. So I prolonged the moment, and said my final words.

“Before you go, can I just say something? Salamat. Sa dalawang buwan. Sa lahat. At tandaan mo. ‘Di na mababago yun.”

“I love you. :(“ his message read.

“I love you.” I typed as his message appeared.

I was breaking down. And tempted to get my Dad’s gun when he typed, “Bye.”

THAT THREE-LETTER WORD SEEMED LIKE A SHARP DAGGER THAT HE HAD BURIED ON MY TORMENTED HEART. I couldn’t even move my fingers to type it, because I knew deep down that once I hit the ENTER button, it’s all over. Theone-year-and-a-half waiting and the two-month-relationship, they’re all over. OVER.

“Bye.” I hit ENTER. And I closed the chatbox.

I immediately updated my status. As I updated, I have seen that we made the same update, at the same time, RIGHT AFTER WE SAID OUR FINAL GOODBYE.

With that, people, I ended my two-month-relationship with the guy who has touched my heart the most. I lost him, with just that easy. I felt like dying.

The hours after were worse enough to kill me. Or maybe, the both of us. I see him online, so I went off. I checked my cellphone and then there was a missed call from him two minutes ago. My hopes were suddenly all up again. I started blaming myself for activating the silent profile in my phone. DAPAT NASAGOT KO YUNG TAWAG NA YUN.

“Missed call? Bakit?” I texted him.

He replied twenty minutes after. His last text, my dearest friends, just like the three-letter-word, felt like a sharp dagger that stabbed my already-tormented heart.

“I miss you! :(“

”:( I miss you more.”

I began crying. AND HE NEVER TEXTED BACK. Again.

Everything changed. I changed my relationship status, though I stared at it long enough to remember every memory that I’ve spent with him. Including the promises. The future plans. His parents. My parents. Our family. Everything.

Lesson learned. It’s hard to let go when you are too much attached. It’s even harder if you are loving that person even more, but you just really have to let him go. :(

True love waits. And I’ll wait for another year. If he comes back, I swear. We’d never ever let each other go. NEVER.