I don’t have to say it further, because I’m pretty much sure you all know what happened recently. People are bombarding me with lots of questions. Some I refuse to answer, and some I freely and openly reply.

Lesson learned. It’s really hard to accept that a lot of great things have to end soon. (OK now, Bianx. Stop. Crying. Now.) What happened two days ago, it changed the way I see love. (STOP CRYING, BIANX!) It’s really hard to believe that the greatest way of showing your love is setting them free.

“Sometimes, when people decide to leave you for good you have to let them, no matter how much you don’t want them to, there are some things that are far beyond our control and even if you have the strength to fight for them, you have to accept the cold harsh truth —- that the people you can’t live without, can live without you.”

The evenings aren’t that good anymore. Especially when I am tying to force myself to sleep. Two nights ago I was throwing things. I wrote a letter that I think I wouldn’t be able to give it to him, but I kept it anyway. Yesterday morning was the worst. I tried to calm myself by listening to some good songs, but I guess things aren’t really never going to be the same again. All I have to do is accept the fact that it’s all done—and that is the thing that apparently, kills my already-tormented heart. I just never pictured it would end.

Do I still cry? Yes. I cry everytime I hear THAT name on TV. I cry everytime I hear our song on the radio. I cry everytime I glance at my phone because it’s useless now. No phone calls, no messages. Lifeless. I cry everytime I try to close my eyes in order to fall asleep, because I miss your voice saying “Goodnight and I love you.” I cry everytime I wake up in the morning realizing you’re never there anymore. I cry everytime I try to forget your promises, and I cry everytime I fail. I cry everytime I see Renesmee and she’s looking at me, too. I CRY EVERY SINGLE F*CKING MOMENT AND IT SCARES ME.

About good things, well… First, I’ve seen all of my true friends. Not literally, but seriously.. they’re all like, right there at my back. Because of what happened, naglutangan mga totoo kong kaibigan. Even the people that I wouldn’t expect to give me advices, they did. I just want to thank all of you for doing that. It really helped. My appetite, for your information, earthlings, isn’t that good. Mom cooked my favorite dish, but I still didn’t eat that well. Now that I have all of the foods that I wanted in front of me, wala akong ganang kumain. The plus side though, is my weight loss. I liked it.

To the other person, I have no hard feelings for you. Just in case you’re reading this, I salute you for doing the right thing. For talking to my Mom like that. Because of what you did, I even fell more in love with you. *sniffs* No other guy had the guts to respect my moody Mama like what you did. I hope you’ll always remember what I’ve told you the last time. I wish you the very best. I miss you.


I CAN’T BREATHE WITHOUT YOU BUT I HAVE TO.